SCREW LUCKY CHARMS I'M ALREADY MAGICALLY DELICIOUS

OF ALL THINGS IN THIS WORLD ONE THING I CAN DEFINITELY SAY I AM IS TIRED. IM TIRED OF BEC. IM TIRED OF HAVING TO REPAIR MY CAR BUT NOT DOING IT. IM TIRED OF SCHOOL. IM TIRED OF LIFE IN GENERAL. IM TIRED OF WAITING TWO WEEKS TO GET PAID FOR A JOB I DONT LIKE. IM TIRED OF WAITING FOR THE BEACH TO OPEN. IM TIRED OF DOUBTING MYSELF. IM TIRED OF BROKEN PROMISES. IM TIRED OF HAVING SOMEONE GET ME GOING ONLY TO CHANGE THEIR MIND AT THE LAST SECOND WITHOUT REASON. IM TIRED OF ASKING THE REASON AND GETTING TOLD "I DONT KNOW." IM TIRED OF THE SUN. IM TIRED OF WAKING UP. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE CALLING MY PHONE TO YELL AT ME. IM TIRED OF RAIN. IM TIRED OF TRYING TO DO THINGS AND ALWAYS BEING SHOT DOWN. IM TIRED OF TRYING TO KEEP EVERYONE ELSE HAPPY BY KILLING MYSELF AND MY MORALS INSIDE TO DO IT. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE TURNING AWAY FROM ME. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE TALING TO ME WITH EYES CLOSED. IM EXCEPTIONALLY TIRED OF THIS FEELING OF UN-WANT. IM TIRED OF SPENDING MY DAYS TRYING SO HARD JUST TO ACCOMPLISH NOTHING. IM TIRED OF LAUNDRY. IM TIRED OF BEING SICK. IM TIRED MOST OF ALL ABOUT BEING TIRED. I FEEL LIKE IVE REACHED THAT STRESS POINT THAT I JUST CANT GO BACK FROM. IT SHOULD SCARE ME BUT HONESTLY I JUST DONT CARE ANYMORE.

I HONESTLY HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO WRITE HERE ILL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED ON MY BORING UNEVENTFUL LIFE AT SOME OTHER POINT BUT FOR NOW JUST KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU ALL AND IM SURE YOUR LIVES ARE EQUALLY AS EVENTFUL AS MINE... ::COUGH COUGH:: YEAH RIGHT LOL SO YEAH TALK TO YOU LATER

IM HONESTLY NOT SURE WHY I STOPPED POSTING THINGS...SORRY GUYS ... WHATS NEW IN MY LIFE WELL A LOT I HAVE NO TIME FOR ANYTHING MY NEW CAR GOT TOTALED THIRTEEN DAYS AFTER GETTING IT I HATE MY CLASSES I CONSTANTLY MISS CHRISTI AND YEAH ...LIFE SUCKS ...I KEEP GETTING REALLY SAD AND CANT EXPLAIN IT ...I HATE BEC AND MY FAMILY LIFE IS NOT GETTING BETTER ...IDK WHAT TO DO IM BACK TO THE WAY OF SMILING LIKE EVERYTHING IS OKAY ILL TRY TO POST MORE OFTEN IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY PLUS ITS TIME FOR CLASS

icecreamboysplk (10:55:54 PM): i could replace it and you wouldnt know
CHRISTI (10:56:00 PM): you do that
CHRISTI (10:56:05 PM): i swear i'll break up with you
CHRISTI (10:56:08 PM): you have no idea
icecreamboysplk (10:56:15 PM): i wouldnt do that
CHRISTI (10:56:19 PM): good
CHRISTI (10:56:26 PM): because i dont really want to break up with you
icecreamboysplk (10:56:30 PM): lol
icecreamboysplk (10:56:35 PM): nothing for nothing
icecreamboysplk (10:56:57 PM): that would be a terrible reason to break up with someone....
CHRISTI (10:57:15 PM): yeah, but i would


THE QUESTION NOW IS DO I TRUST HER AS MUCH AS I DID ....RIGHT NOW HONESTLY NO ....OF ALL THE THINGS SHE COULD HAVE SAID I WAS JOKING BUT TO SAY THAT AS LAME AS IT SOUNDS WAS GOING WAY TOO FAR AND AS CHILDISH AS IT SOUNDS I CANT FORGIVE HER YET....MAYBE IN A FEW DAYS....AND ITS NOT LIKE SHE HASNT APOLOGIZED AND IVE PHYSICALLY FORGIVEN HER THIS THOUGHT HAS BEEN IN THE BACK OF MY MIND DEPRESSING ME GREATLY EVER SINCE SHE SAID IT.... IDK IM SAD LIKE I DONT WANT TO LOOSE HER AND AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED HAVING THAT STUPID BLANKET FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS ITS NOT WORTH LOOSING HER OVER SO NOW I HATE IT AND WANT TO GET IT BACK TO HER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO I NEVER HAVE TO TOUCH IT AGAIN. THE THING THAT KEEPS GOING THROUGH MY MIND IS THE UNFAIRITY OF IT ALL SHE HAS A BELT, TWO HOODIES, A PHONE CASE, AND A NECKLACE, I HAVE A BELT AND A BLANKET, IM GIVING BACK BOTH ITEMS WHILE SHE IS GIVING ME BACK A BELT AND TAKING A RING AND MY BLANKET ...SO I HAVE NOTHING OH WELL I STILL HAVE HER EVEN THOUGH SHES AN HOUR AWAY .... ::SIGH::

So i blatently haven't had the time to post anything here in forever.....technically i don't have the time now either but i feel like i have neglected you all enough. Well heres whats going on.....its been a very busy year at the beach ive been running around all summer long and am excrusciatingly tired i think i could sleep for like three days straight lol ive had barely any time for anything all of my actual free time being spent somewhere where i never expected to return ...CT. Why you may ask ...well Cassey finally introduced me to her sister...sort of ...we started talking while she went to England and just never stopped...so when cassey came back we met each other and then very soon ended up dating ...needless to say i love her and im happy... for once truly happy now as long as i dont screw it up things should be good....Oh and im sure youll all be glad to hear that i am getting my license on aug 28th college however starts sept 2 beach closes the first ...yay for no time off....Currently im in Ct again at my house as apposed ti Christi's where i slept last night ...we are packing.....moving again ...yay for the first time i actually wanted to have a residence in ct and now its gone idea shot to hell ill just commute back and forth lol its so worth it though....i went to church today it was definitly a nice experience Christi and her family have a different religion than i do and i went to theirs....ours is nice but theres is small they all seem to know each other and there is a vast sense of unity amongst them.....when the people read or talk they dont talk to the room or the floor they actually look at the people and idk about everyone else but i felt as though they were talking directly to me it was a nice feeling ...maybe i should try it out a while longer and if i like it convert to that religion ....its just nicer and being in the building just felt right. plus i would have an excuse to spend just that much more time with christi and her family all of which i adore ...I want to spend more time with her but idk how i just want to be closer to her .....like all week all i wanted to do was give her a hug and thanks to the beach and lack of driving i couldnt do that idk i just hope everything stays as good as it is now ...for once i actually like someone that likes me back ....im tired of writing for now so bye

OVER THE LAST THREE YEARS I CAN DEFINITELY SAY ONE THING AND THATS IS THAT IVE CHANGED. THROUGHOUT THIS TIME PERIOD IVE GRIEVED, THERE HAVE BEEN HAPPY TIMES SAD TIMES AND MANY OTHER THINGS OF THAT SORT. IVE GONE THROUGH TWO DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS DURING THIS TIME ...HOW LAME ONLY TWO REAL RELATIONSHIPS IN THE COURSE OF THREE YEARS ...NEITHER OF WHICH WORKED VERY WELL AND THE SECOND CONTINUES TO PLAGUE ME ON A DAILY BASIS....THROUGHOUT THE LAST THREE YEARS IVE GONE THROUGH THREE IPODS AND FIVE LAPTOPS IVE BECOME CARELESS TO SOME RESPECT.... DURING THIS TIME IVE GOTTEN VERY INVOLVED WITH THE BEACH IVE MADE IT MY LIFE ITS IN ALL ACTUALITY ALL I HAVE LEFT ....WHEN IM THERE I THINK OF THE TWO PEOPLE I LOST DURING THIS TIME PERIOD MY UNCLE AND OF COURSE SISTANA WHO ON THE 21ST WILL HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR THREE YEARS WHICH IS PROBABLY MY REASON FOR WRITING THIS, GOD I MISS HER SO MUCH BUT ITS JUST PART OF LIFE.....THATS ANOTHER THING IN THE LAST THREE YEARS IVE WATCHED THE LIFE DRAIN FROM MY FACE I STARTED OUT SO HAPPY ..REALLY WHAT DID I HAVE TO BE SAD ABOUT I HAD EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING I WANTED I HAD THE PERFECT GIRL AND THE BEST FAMILY THEN ALL IN A COUPLE MONTHS EVERYTHING CHANGED MY UNCLE DIED WHICH ACTUALLY BROUGHT MY AUNT AND I CLOSER AND WE STILL ARE THAT WAS IN JANUARY THEN ON JUNE 21 SISTANA DIED AND MY WORLD AS I KNEW IT BEGAN TO CRUMBLE. AFTER THAT I CHANGED NO LONGER WAS I HAPPY NO LONGER DID I TRUST PEOPLE NO LONGER DID I GET CLOSE TO PEOPLE ...NOW WHEN I DO GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE I TEND TO BE OVER OBSESSIVE OVER THEM BECAUSE I REALIZE THAT ONE DAY THEY COULD BE THERE AND ANOTHER THEY COULD BE GONE. IN THE LAST THREE YEARS IVE GROWN UP IVE WORKED HARD AND GRADUATED NOW IM GOING TO COLLEGE IN SEPT AND GETTING READY FOR THAT. THE ONE MAJOR THING I REGRET ABOUT THE LAST THREE YEARS IS THE WAY I TREAT PEOPLE....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I AM A LITTLE HARSH AND COULD DEFINITELY BE NICER TO SOME PEOPLE....I REALIZE THAT AT TIMES IVE BEEN SO CRUEL THAT IVE EVEN SCARED PEOPLE AND THATS NOT SOMETHING I WANT...IVE TREATED PEOPLE LIKE THEY WERE SHIT JUST BECAUSE I COULD ...IN THE LAST THREE YEARS IVE BEEN TOLD I AM A PRICK SOMETHING I CANT DENY ...IN THE LAST THREE YEARS IVE INVESTED COUNTESS THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO CHANGE MYSELF FROM ONE THING INTO ANOTHER ....ITS NOT NICE CLOTHES AND NICE THINGS THAT MAKE THE PERSON BUT WHO THEY ARE ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS AND THATS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO STILL LEARN ....IN THE LAST THREE YEARS IVE TRIUMPHED OVER SICKNESS AT THE SAME TIME MAKING MYSELF SICK BY NOT EATING AT TIMES NOT BECAUSE I COULDNT BUT BECAUSE I REFUSED TO ...IVE CREATED AN APPEARANCE FOR MYSELF THAT HONESTLY I DONT EVEN LIKE I LOOK INTO THE MIRROR AND SEE SOMETHING IM NOT AND A PERSON THAT IS MISERABLE LOOKING BACK AT ME EVEN WHEN IM NOT I STILL CAN SEE PAST THE FACADE THE LAST THREE YEARS HAVE MADE ME SOMETHING THAT IM NOT AND THERES NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT AT THIS POINT IM TOO FAR GONE TO CHANGE....ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED THROUGHOUT ALL OF THIS IS THAT LIFE IS SOMETHING NOT TO TAKE FOR GRANTED. YOU ONLY GET ONE SO USE IT...SO YEAH THERES MY EMO ESSAY FOR THE YEAR ITS NOT FINISHED AS IM SURE THE FEW OF YOU THAT READ IT WILL REALIZE BUT ITS NOT A BAD START ..TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE TERRIBLE AND I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR ANYTHING I DO TO OFFEND ANY OF YOU PLEASE DONT TAKE IT TO HEART ....ALSO I DONT WANT YOUR PITY EITHER SO DONT BOTHER WITH THAT ......BUSY BUSY BUSY

OK SO HERE IT IS I DIDNT THINK I WOULD ACTUALLY GET THROUGH GRADUATION ...BEFORE THE CEREMONY AT HOME I HEARD POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE ON TV AND ACTUALLY STARTED TO TEAR UP LOL ....BUT I MADE IT THROUGH THAT PART WITHOUT CRYING ....MANAGED TO SAY GOODBYE TO MRS. BRADLEY WHO I HAVE SPENT MOST OF MY HIGH SCHOOL CAREER WITH DURING THE DAY SHE CRIED ...THEN AGAIN LATER AND SHE LOOKED SAD THEN ..STILL NOTHING FROM ME ...THEN AT THE END OF THE CEREMONY AS I WAS LEAVING WALKING THROUGH THE LINE OF FACULTY I LOOKED AT HER WENT TO GO GIVE HER A HUG AND BURST INTO TEARS....I LEFT HER A NOTE WHICH SHE WONT GET TILL TOMORROW BASICALLY THANKING HER FOR LISTENING AND GETTING ME THROUGH EVERYTHING THESE LAST YEARS.....AFTER THAT IT WAS GOOD BYE FOR MANY OF USE ...ONLY ABOUT A HUNDRED AND THIRTY SOMETHING PEOPLE WENT ON THE CRUISE AFTERWARDS IN BOSTON ON THE YACHT. AFTER THAT ALL NIGHT TRIP WE GOT BACK TO SCHOOL AT ABOUT 5:30 AND SAID OUR LAST GOOD BYES WHICH CAME A LOT EASIER THAN I EXPECTED THEY WOULD. THEN I WENT FOR A WALK AROUND THE TOWN AND SAID MY GOODBYES TO IT RETURNED HOME CARRIED MY SUITCASES TO THE CAR STARED AT THE HOUSE FOR A FEW MINUTES KNOWING ILL NEVER RETURN TO IT MY MOTHER AND I GOT INTO THE CAR AND NOW I AM HERE ....HOME AT LAST ....THE LAST FEW YEARS OF CONSTANTLY TRAVELING BACK AND FORTH BASICALLY LIVING OUT OF A SUITCASE ARE OVER. NOW I AM FINALLY ABLE TO TAKE ALL MY CLOTHES OUT AND HANG THEM UP. ITS GONNA BE NICE AND EVERYTHING'S GONNA WORK OUT

Im tired.....like really tired....not like sleep tired either idk...its hard to explain.......graduation scares me i just realized how close it is and that im saying goodbye to everyone my house, most of my stuff from there and the town forever in 6 days .... the beach is stressful took time today to get away from what ive been doing and stayed with my aunt for the day it was hard and relaxing at the same time weird back to graduation i hope im not so sick at that point i can't get up to retrieve my diploma...just climbing the stairs was hard earlier ...also that fact that very few people know im sick is prolly not helping eventually ill get around to telling Cheri and my Aunt...lol maybe....i got a new toy and i heart it...cost me $500.00 but i love it anyway im calling it my graduation gift to myself ...thats about it

OK SO THIS IS KINDA A WEIRD YEAR. THE BEACH OPENED UP SATURDAY AND IT JUST SEEMS ODD THAT THE PEOPLE I AM USED TO SEEING WHEN IM THERE ARE NO LONGER IN ATTENDANCE. PAT AND ARTHUR ARE GONE FOREVER. TJ IS OUR NEW LIFEGUARD. NICK AND FRANK ARE GONE. SARAH IS MOVING AWAY AND GOT A JOB SOMEWHERE ELSE SO SHE WONT BE IN THE ARCADE THIS YEAR. B.E.C. IS NOT IN SESSION YET BUT I KNOW THATS ALL DIFFERENT. ELAINE WHOS BEEN THERE FOREVER HAS CHOSEN NOT TO RETURN. DANNY CHOSE NOT TO WORK THERE THIS YEAR I GUESS AND EVERYTHING IS JUST DIFFERENT. THERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE THAT DID RETURN SUCH AS MONIQUE, TJ, KELSEY, FELICE, BARBRA, PAULA, PJ, CHRISTINE, ARCADE GUY AND HIS "WIFE", MY AUNT AND THOSE GUYS, AND OF COURSE MYSELF BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE ANYWAY LOL. IT JUST ALL SEEMS SO DIFFERENT. IDK IF IM GOING TO LIKE IT. I DONT REALLY HAVE MANY PEOPLE TO TALK TO IT GETS BORING. I CANT GO VISIT MY FAMILY FOR FEAR OF BEING REPRIMANDED, I ONLY TALK TO TJ AND PJ A LITTLE I HATE ARCADE GUY AND DONT KNOW MANY OF THE LIFEGUARDS, MONIQUE IS VERY VERY NICE BUT JUST NOT SOMEONE I WOULD REALLY GET INTO A LENGTHY CONVERSATION WITH SHE NEVER HAS TIME SHE GOES TOO FAST. I BASICALLY HAVE KELSEY, TJ, AND PJ TO TALK TO AND IN THE CASE OF TJ AND PJ THEY DONT HAVE TIME TO TALK AND I DONT REALLY RELATE TO THEM IN THAT WAY ...KELSEY'S FUN TO TALK TO BUT THERE AGAIN SHE DOESNT HAVE TIME AND I FEEL LIKE IM BOTHERING HER PLUS I DONT WANT NICK TO GET UPSET THAT I KEEP TALKING TO HIS GIRL THATS THE LAST THING I NEED RIGHT NOW IS THE JELOUS BOYFRIEND THAT IS GIANT AND POWERFUL HATING ME PLUS I LIKE NICK AND FRANK AND DONT WANT THEM MAD AT ME. SHES LIKE THE ONLY ONE THAT IS CLOSE IN AGE TO ME THOUGH SO ITS GOING TO BE HARD NOT TO TALK TO HER WITH EVERYONE ELSE BEING BETWEEN 5 AND THIRTY YEARS MY SENIOR... ENOUGH ABOUT THAT HAD TO THROW A COUPLE OUT OF THE MENS ROOM THE OTHER DAY ...TRIED TO DO THE NASTY ON THE SINK ...DURING THE DAY ...WITH PEOPLE ON THE BEACH...WAS THERE GOAL TO GET CAUGHT LOL....AND BETWEEN THE DAYS I MANAGED TO GET THE WORST SUNBURN IVE EVER GOTTEN IN MY LIFE...IT FEELS GOOD TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO THOUGH IM HAPPY ABOUT THAT. ITS GOING TO BE AN ODD YEAR BUT HOPEFULLY A GOOD ONE AND THEN ITS OFF TO COLLEGE IN THE FALL ....YAY OH P.S. CAR IS BEING FIXED AGAIN I APPARENTLY PISSED SOMEONE OFF WE ALL ARE WONDERING IF IT WAS MY BROTHER ....AND SOMEONE TOOK A HAMMER AND BANGED A SCREW DRIVER INTO THE TRANSMISSION CAUSING A VERY LARGE HOLE AND A MAJOR LEAK OBVIOUSLY SO THAT NEEDS TO GET FIXED AND IM GETTING A PRETTY RED OIL PAN TO PUT ON IT CAUSE THATS BROKEN TOO LOL THATS ABOUT EVERYTHING FOR THE WEEK HAPPY READING PEOPLE ...

SO YEAH RIGHT NOW LIKE UBER BORED AND HYPER!!!! TOMORROW IS THE LUNCHEON / AWARD THING AT THE COLLEGE ...I WAS ASKED TO GIVE AN AWARD WELL ACTUALLY MORE OF A GOODBYE GIFT TO A TEACHER THATS RETIRING...APPARENTLY I AM ONE OF THE ONLY STUDENTS WHO CAN GET UP IN FRONT OF 200 PEOPLE AND TALK LOL. I HAVE TO GET ALL DRESSED UP FOR IT THOUGH ::PRETENDS TO SHOOT SELF IN HEAD:: SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER I HAVE THE PRIVILAGE OF READING BOTH PILLARS OF THE EARTH AND WORLD WITHOUT END FOR MY ENGLISH FINAL...SO TOTALLY WORKING ON THAT .....::2OOO PAGES LATER ILL ACTUALLY SHOOT MYSELF LOL:: OTHER THAN THAT LIFES AMMUSING ...OH OH AND THE BEACH OPENS UP SATURDAY WHICH WILL BE SWEET ILL GET TO SEE EVERYONE AGAIN...KINDA MISS MY FAMILY TOO HAVENT SEEN THEM SINCE SOME TIME IN APRIL OTHER THAN LIKE REALLY QUICKLY EVERY COUPLE OF WEEKS. ALSO PREPARING FOR RELAY FOR LIFE AGAIN YAY HOPEFULLY THIS ONE GOES BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE I WENT TO TWO YEARS AGO LOL

WELL TOMORROW IS PROM. LIKE MANY PEOPLE I AM PROTESTING IT AND REFUSE TO GO LAST I CHECKED THEY SOLD 45 TICKETS OUT OF NEARLY THREE HUNDRED AND EVEN SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE EITHER CANT GO OR REFUSE TO GO. WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN A CHOICE ON THE LOCATION AND THOMPSON SPEEDWAY ON A FRIDAY NIGHT WAS A TERRIBLE CHOICE ....THE CARS ARE EVEN RACING THAT NIGHT.....UM LOST $40 AT LINCOLN YESTERDAY LOL I WAS LESS THAN AMUSED....TOOK MY MOTHER FOR A RIDE TO SEE SOMETHING AND SAW THE SAME WHITE CAT THAT SITS IN THE MIDDLE OF CHESTNUT HILL RD EVERYDAY ....MY MOTHER FELT THE NEED TO EXCLAIM I WAS GOING TO HIT IT...I PROMPTLY SAID THAT I INTENDED TOO KNOWING FULL WELL THAT WHEN A CAR GETS TO A CERTAIN POINT CAT MOVES....SHE PULLED THE WHEEL WE NEARLY DROVE INTO THE POND....WISE DECISION MOTHER THUS IM NOT FOND OF DRIVING IN THE CAR WITH YOU ....UM THATS ABOUT IT I'M VERY BORED AND I HAVE A LOT OF READING TO DO WORLD WITH OUT END IS ON ITS WAY AND I STILL HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO FINISH PILLARS OF THE EARTH....PLUS I HAVE TO START ANGELA'S ASHES AGAIN BECAUSE I AM USING THAT IN MY THESIS AS WELL AS THESE TWO ...NOT SURE HOW ILL CONNECT THE THREE BUT I'M SURE ILL WORK IT OUT ....YAY FOR COLLEGE IN SEPT I GET TO START EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN...AT LEAST I AM BASICALLY STARTING AS A SOPHOMORE ..I GET TO BYPASS THE WHOLE FRESHMEN STAGE DUE TO WHAT I TOOK THIS YEAR...FROM READING ALL OF THIS AND OBSERVING THE WAY I WRITE NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER REALIZE THAT I INTEND TO BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR AND CURRENTLY HAVE A 99.6 AVERAGE IN THE CLASS.....I WONDER WHAT MY GPA AND CLASS RANK IS UP TO ILL CHECK THAT TOMORROW JASMIN REMINDED ME ABOUT THEM EARLIER WHEN SHE GOT HERS....I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT ...

OH AND P.S. IM LOOKING FOR A SONG I KNOW THIS MUCH OF IT ITS FROM THE 80'S I THINK COULD BE WRONG I WILL LOVE ANYONE WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT IT IS THOUGH THIS IS WHAT I REMEMBER "SHE WAS LIVIN IN A WORLD TRYIN TO GET HER MESSAGE THROUGH" AND THEN IT SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HER RUNNING AWAY.......MADE THESE NOTES ABOUT IT IN PHONE AND HAVE TRIED TYPING IT ALL IN EVERYWHERE TO NO AVAIL....SO YEAH IF YOU KNOW IT PLEASE TELL ME

IN MY EXTREME BOREDOME OVER THE LAST TEN MINUTES I HAVE ESTABLISHED THAT YOU PEOPLE DONT DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR JOURNALS....I DONT THINK I CLICKED ON THE FRIENDS PAGE BUTTON AND ONLY CHELLY'S COMES UP SO THAT MEANS THAT SISTANA DIDNT TEACH ME ENOUGH ON HOW TO USE THIS PROGRAM, IM REALLY SCREWED UP, OR THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE ON THE PLANET WHO IS COMPELLED TO WRITE IN THIS THING AND UPDATE IT FAITHFULLY ...AND HANNAH IS THE ONLY ONE THAT ACTUALLY TAKES TIME OUT OF HER BUSY LIFE TO READ THIS SHIT....AT LEAST SOMEONE READS IT LOL ... UM THATS ABOUT IT ...HAVING BARELY ANY HAIR FEELS WEIRD BUT ITS REALLY EASY TO DO IN THE MORNING ....THE SECRET IS GET UP TAKE SHOWER ...APPLY HOLLISTER HAT / HOODIE AND LEAVE ...ITS GREAT I SHOULD HAVE CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF YEARS AGO...ALL IT TOOK WAS FOR TAYLOR TO SAY I LOOKED LIKE ONE OF THOSE FAGGOT ASS GODDY BOYS AND FOR MY HAIR NOT TO SPIKE RIGHT FOR ME TO DECIDE TO KILL IT LOL SO I WENT AND HAD IT ALL CUT OFF. THATS ABOUT IT ..PEOPLE EITHER TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG SO I CAN GIVE YOU MY PASS TO FIX IT OR PLACE IDEAS UPON ELECTRONIC PAPER...OR TAKE MY PASS AND POST THEM IN MINE THAT WOULD BE CONVENIANT ON MY PART LESS SEARCHING OVER THIS SITE WHICH CONFUSES ME...I FIND FRENCH AND SPANISH EASY, I FIND MEMORIZING HISTORICAL FACTS, LAWS AND PARTS OF THE CONSTITUTION EASY BUT THIS WEBSITE I FIND CONFUSING AS HELL I DONT GET IT ...MAYBE ITS JUST TOO EASY AND MY RATIONAL WAY OF THINKING WONT ALLOW MY BRAIN TO PROCESS EVERYTHING ...

UM...I GOT LIKE REALLY REALLY MAD AT MY HAIR THIS MORNING I WAS TIRED AND IN AN EXTREMELY BAD MOOD...II COULDN'T GET IT TO SPIKE SO ....I FOUND A BARBER AND MADE THEM KILL IT ...I HAVE VERY VERY LITTLE HAIR NOW ITS ALMOST SHAVED LOL ...MUCH EASIER TO DEAL WITH...WHEN THE HAPPY WEARS AWAY I'M GOING TO BE EVER SO PISSED...

I fucking give up you can have her shes yours ...happy!!!

I FINALLY RECEIVED THE SECOND CLASS RING...THIS ONE IS NOT TO BIG NOT TO SMALL AND FITS PERFECTLY ...AT THE LOW COST OF 800$ PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING...YAY FOR BIG BILLS....AND OH THERE GOING TO GET BIGGER ...THE COLLEGE BILL IS GOING TO BE FUN.....I HAVE RECEIVED MY FIRST GRADUATION PRESENT TOO ....A ROLEX SUBMARINER TO REPLACE THE ONE THAT SISTANA HAD BORROWED.....OBVIOUSLY IT GOT DESTROYED IN THE ACCIDENT, BUT THAT WAS THE LEAST OF MY CONCERNS....THE NEW ONE IS ALMOST THE SAME SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT ITS HEAVIER THAN I REMEMBER ....BETWEEN THE RING AND THE ROLEX ALL I HAVE TO DO NOW IS ADD A SUIT AND TIE AND ILL LOOK JUST LIKE THE PRICK OF A LAWYER ILL EVENTUALLY BE LOL ...SO YEAH OTHER THAN ALL THAT I DONT FEEL VERY GOOD;(WHAT ELSE IS NEW); AND I AM GOING TO NEW YORK TONIGHT NOT TO DO ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR WE HAVE TO SEE A GUY ABOUT SOME TYPE OF MEDAL THAT MY GRANDFATHER HAS BUT OTHER THAN THAT FOR ME ITS A BORING TRIP...SOMETHING I AM GLAD OF BECAUSE LIKE I SAID I AM SICK AND MISERABLE....I SAW THE MOBILE BAGEL LADY LAST WEEK AT 42ND AND 5TH I HOPE I CAN FIND HER THIS WEEK I REALLY WANT A BAGEL ...IT WAS GOOD ...ITS WAS LIKE SOME TYPE OF MARBLE ONION ONE ....YOU CANT GET THEM ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD AND EVEN IF YOU COULD I KNOW IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME....IM GOING TO ENJOY LIVING THERE...BUT THATS NOT FOR A LITTLE WHILE YET SO I GUESS THIS IS AS CLOSE AS ILL GET FOR NOW .....I GUESS ILL GO IRON MY CLOTHES AND PREPARE FOR THE TRIP...

YEAH I KNOW YOU'VE ALL HEARD THIS SONG AND DANCE BEFORE, BUT HERE IT GOES, SO THERE IS THIS GIRL ....NORMALLY I CAN SPEAK TO ANYONE BUT NOT TO HER BARELY EVERY ....I TRY TO FIND REASONS TO TALK TO HER ALL THE TIME ...NONE EVER SEEM GOOD ENOUGH SO I DON'T...ITS WEIRD LIKE IN MY MIND IN KNOW I LIKE HER ....I HAVE SINCE I SAW HER BUT THATS NOT THE POINT....IM CONFUSED AT WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT ...MY OPTIONS ARE TO GET TO KNOW HER AND SEE IF ANYTHING CAN COME OF IT ...OR TO AVOID HER LIKE THE PLAGUE ....THEN THERE IS THE ISSUE OF DO I CHEAT TO BE WITH HER IF I CAN BE WITH HER ....I'M CONFUSED ...ASKED CHIVA ONE TIME HER RECOMMENDATION WAS "DUMP THE BLOND WHORE FOR THE NEW ONE".....THAT DOESN'T HELP AND IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT ...I KNOW ITS NOT RIGHT ....I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I AM THINKING ABOUT IT, BUT IT DOES CROSS MY MIND ...OFTEN....IM CONFUSED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ....

WITHIN THE LAST MONTH I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OBSESSED WITH TWO THINGS...CAKE AND ORANGES THAT IS BASICALLY ALL I EAT LAST WEEK WENT TO BIG Y CAKE WAS ON SALE I BOUGHT ONE OF EVERY VARIETY 6 IN ALL AND I HAVE EATEN ALL BUT ONE WITH VERY MINER TO MODERATE HELP LOL I A FIND MYSELF EATING CAKE CONSTANTLY WHICH PROBABLY STEMS FROM THE WHOLE IDEA THAT IT WAS THE FORBIDDEN FOOD BUT NOW THAT I AM TRYING TO PUT ON WEIGHT IT WAS PERFECT ....THEN THERE ARE ORANGES LUNCH AT SCHOOL IS THREE DOLLARS A DAY THATS FIFTEEN DOLLARS A WEEK AND I BUY IT ONLY TO GET AN ORANGE AND A TINY MILK CARTON ....NOT SO FOND OF THE WHOLE INSTITUTION FOOD THING....SO I SPEND FIFTEEN DOLLARS A WEEK FOR ORANGES WHEN I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET AND HAVE AN ENTIRE CASE OF THEM FRESHLY IMPORTED FROM FREDDY'S TRIP TO FLORIDA....IDK WHATS WITH THE SUDDEN CRAVINGS BUT ITS AMUSING ....THEN I GOT AN E-MAIL FROM TROMBINO TODAY TELLING ME THAT THE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES ARE IN AND HES GOING TO MEET ME AT THE LIBRARY AT 3:20 ON THURS TO PICK UP ALSO HE MENTIONED THAT HE HAD EXTRA SO TO BRING FRIENDS AND WE COULD BUY THEM ...THINK OF THAT SCENE A MAN IN THIS MID THIRTIES IN A BLACK TRUCK SITTING AT THE LIBRARY AND THEN A BUNCH OF TEENAGERS COME OVER AND HAND HIM MONEY AND HE IN RETURN HANDS THEM SEVERAL LITTLE BROWN BAGS OH AND FOR THOSE THAT DONT KNOW THE POLICE ARE NEXT DOOR TO THE LIBRARY ....WE MIGHT GET BUSTED FOR COOKIE SMUGGLING LOL BUT SERIOUSLY ITS NOT GOING TO LOOK RIGHT TO THE PEOPLE PASSING BY...OH WELL IM ALL BOUNCY AND HAPPY MY GRANDPARENTS CAME AND BROUGHT ME YET ANOTHER CAKE TO EAT FOR MY B-DAY THAT WAS GOOD ....AS MUCH AS I LIKE THE CAKE IT IS GETTING SICKENING THOUGH AND I KNOW THERE ARE SEVERAL MORE TO COME B-DAY SEASON DOESNT END TILL MAY THEN THE BEACH OPENS AND ILL SWITCH TO ICE CREAM EVEN THOUGH I AM NO LONGER THE ICE CREAM PERSON ILL STILL BE AROUND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I HOPE....GONNA MISS THE BEC BRATS THOUGH OH WELL ILL GET OVER IT ....PLUS I CURRENTLY REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL ALTHOUGH I HAVE A GIRL...BUT SHES BORING...I WANT A NEW TOY

I HAD SOMEONE ASK ME TODAY IF I COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE ONE EVENT IN MY LIFE WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WOULD I....I INSTANTLY THOUGHT OF TWO SEPARATE EVENTS ONE WAS THE DEATH OF SISTANA THE OTHER THE DEATH OF MY UNCLE .... AFTER THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR A LITTLE WHILE I DECIDED MY UNCLE WOULD WIN OUT AS MUCH AS I MISS SISTANA I WILL FIND SOMEONE NEW ...THOSE KIDS CANT EVER GET A NEW FATHER IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY ...THEY DID GET CHELO WHICH IS REALLY GOOD AND WE ALL LOVE HIM AND HIS FOOD IS AMAZING LOL BUT HE IS NOT THEIR FATHER... AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THAT MUST BE LIKE TO THEM .....IVE DECIDED NOT TO FINISH THIS GOOD NIGHT

OK SO THIS WEEK I HAVE ESTABLISHED THERE ARE MORE IGNORANT PEOPLE THAN ME ...SURE SHOOTS THAT DREAM TO HELL LOL ...UM I AM BORED TO SAY THE LEAST I HAVE THE LOVELY PRIVILEGE OF RUNNING A MILE EVERY WEEK DAY FOR THE MOST PART I GET FRI- SUNDAY OFF THEN I NOW HAVE A MILLION PUSH UPS AND CRUNCHES I SHOULD BE DOING BUT EH THAT CAN WAIT... I AM STILL DECIDING COLLEGE I AM GOING TO HAVE A DOUBLE MAJOR OF ENGLISH AND COMMUNICATIONS.... FOUR YEARS LATER I START AGAIN WELL AFTER THE LSAT'S AND THEN ITS OFF TO LAW SCHOOL.... LIFE WILL FOLLOW FROM THERE I AM GOING TO BE A MEDICAL MALPRACTICE / ADOPTION/ REAL ESTATE LAWYER NOT INTO THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE YET I DO EVENTUALLY WANT TO GO UP FOR JUDGE THOUGH OTHER THAN THAT LIFE IS GOOD BUT BACK TO THE IGNORANT PART I HIGHLY DISAGREE WITH PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE ACKNOWLEDGED THE LEAST THEY COULD DO IS ACKNOWLEDGE BACK... UM SO YEAH END OF BITCHING ... MAYBE NOT ...I AM PISSED AT CHIVA SHE IS ONE OF THOSE IGNORANT PEOPLE THAT BECAUSE SHE BROKE UP WITH BENNY OR HE BROKE UP WITH HER I SHOULD SAY WELL SHE IS IN A BITCHY MOOD AND NOT ONLY IS NOT TALKING ABOUT IT AT TIMES SHE IS NICE AND THEN SUDDENLY TURNS INTO ABSOLUTE BITCH AND IS ALL EVIL AND SUCH IM ONLY GOING TO TAKE SO MUCH OF THAT AND THEN THE FEELING BAD IVE BEEN THERE SHIT IS GOING TO STOP AND IM GONNA BLOW UP AND RIP HER A NEW ASS ..LETS SEE IF SHE FEELS LIKE KING SHIT THEN ...LOL OK THATS THE END OF MY BITCHING PLUS I HAVE AN ESSAY TO WRITE LOL SO IMA GO DO THAT LOL ...P.S. THE TITLE HAS TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT WITH THE RED LIONS WE ARE DOING THE WHOLE SONG INTERPRETATION THING AGAIN THIS YEAR AND I ENDED UP WITH JEFFERSON AIRPLANES "WHITE RABBIT" MY MOTHER EXPLAINED THAT TO UNDERSTAND IT I SHOULD EAT SOME SHROOMS SMOKE SOME POT DO A LITTLE ACID TOPED OF WITH BOTH AND UPPER AND DOWNER AND THEN IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE ... I ALWAYS KNEW THAT ALICE AND WONDERLAND HAD TO DO WITH DRUGS BUT I DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS A SONG ABOUT IT LOL OK DONE

WE BROKE UP ...ENOUGH SAID THE WEIRD PART OF IT THOUGH IS THE FACT THAT ITS NOT BOTHERING ME IT KINDA MADE SENSE IM GOING TO COLLEGE SHE WAS GONNA BE HERE THAT DOESNT WORK ...ALSO FOR ONE OF IF NOT THE FIRST TIME EVER I WAS THE BREAK-UPEE AS APPOSED TO THE ONE GETTING BROKEN UP WITH ...KIDA FEEL BAD DUE TO THE FACT IT IS THE DAY BEFORE V-DAY BUT THATS SOMETHING WE BOTH WILL HAVE TO GET OVER ....THE ONLY THING I HAVENT FIGURED OUT WHY I DID WAS TO LIST MYSELF AS IN A RELATIONSHIP ON MYSPACE EARLIER ....I HAVENT CHANGED FACEBOOK YET IM WAITING FOR HER TO CHANGE MYSPACE AND ILL CHANGE EVERYTHING ...NOW THERE IS JUST THE IDEA OF DEALING WITH THE FRIENDS I PERSONALLY HAVE WHO HATE HER ANYWAY AND THE FRIENDS WE HAVE MUTUALLY THAT ARE GOING TO EITHER CHOOSE SIDES OR TRY TO PUT US TOGETHER AGAIN ...TIM FOR EXAMPLE....HE DOESNT KNOW HE ASKED WHERE SHE WAS I TOLD HIM WATCHING TV....AS MUCH AS IT DOESNT BOTHER ME I DONT THINK I COULD ACTUALLY TELL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW THUS I AM HERE WRITING IN THIS JOURNAL ..PROBABLY SHOULD BE WRITING THIS IN THE OTHER ONE BUT WHAT THE HELL SEVERAL PEOPLE READ THAT ONE AND HERE I HAVE KAYLA CHELSEA AND HANNAH, AND THE THREE OF THEM PROBABLY DONT READ IT EVERY TIME ANY WAY SO I GUESS IT DOESNT MATTER IM PROBABLY NOT READY FOR THE WORLD TO KNOW ......TOMORROW I AM HAPPY THOUGH I GET TO GO TO NEWPORT UNLESS THEY CANCELL THE TRIP WITH THE WHOLE CHANCE OF INCLEMENT WEATHER DOWN THERE ....WE NEED PICTURES NONE THE LESS SO IF IT IS CANCELLED WELL PROBABLY GO TUESDAY WHEN SCHOOL RESUMES YAY FOR ABOLISHING FEBRUARY VACATION TO GRADUATE EVEN EARLIER WHERE I GET THROWN OUT INTO THE COLD CRUEL WORLD AND ALL OF MY STUFF I CANT TAKE WITH ME IS EITHER THROWN OUT OR PUT INTO STORAGE FROM MY MOTHERS HOUSE ...